OUTSIDE THE LANES

with Chip Cooper

 

Shreddy Mercury stormed onto the scene in Skeeson IX, and changed the league forever with his 40s, jokes and Right Angles. Due to the birth of Shreddy Mercury, Jr, Brewskee-Ball has been without Shreddy Sr. in Skeeson XI. In a Full Circle Magazine exclusive, I caught up with the former Rookie Roller of the Year to find out how he's been doing. He also shared some very exciting news.

I'm Chip Cooper, and this is Outside the Lanes - The Shreddy Mercury Story.

Few can be elite competitors across multiple endeavors. Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders both excelled in football and baseball. Julius Peppers dominated the hardwood and the gridiron at North Carolina. Brewskee-Ball has been home to one of these elite competitors for years - William Ocean, who was the 2007 US Air Guitar Champion and is currently the best roller in Brewskee-Ball. So it is only fitting that Ocean introduced Shreddy, a fellow Air Guitar competitor, to Brewskee-Ball.

"Well, I was hanging out with Ocean and Skee.E.O. Eric one night and we ended up at Ace Bar." Shreddy remembers. "It was there that they told me about Brewskee-Ball and after rolling a 17.0 I figured I should try and join the league."

Ocean remembers that night fondly. "I remember being there the first time Shreddy rolled... his first score was a 60. That's right - six tens and three gutter balls. The amazing part was that he was actually trying to roll 40s. We stayed at Ace for the next seven hours, worked on his approach, stance and speed. We also drank close to 24 High Lifes each. When we walked out, two things were clear: One, we had completely lost our vision and control of our bodily functions. Two, Shreddy was going to be a BROTY contender."

Shreddy joined the Sunday Division, rolling with Brewskee-Ball veteran Mando and teammate Skee-Baby on Balls of Glory.

"I started off kind of rough," Shreddy recalls. "My form was poor, I was all over the place. Juice kind of took me under his wing and helped me establish my stance, posture and roll. I slowly improved and in Week 6, I had that 'roller's moment' I rolled two Cherries and a Full Circle and it finally clicked."

Shreddy's rookie skeeson concluded with the Rookie Roller of the Year award, but also a heartbreaking loss in the opening round of The BMT to the Skee-Brews.

J-Date of Skeemelio Estevez (formerly the Skee-Brews) recalls this BMT match-up. "I remember rolling against him in the playoffs his rookie skeeson when the Skee-Brews had just picked up Dan Smith as our alternate. This is where I saw the true Shreddy. He had a hell of a game and gave us a run for our money... it came down to the final frame where we pulled it out by 3 points. That was where I saw how having the confidence to go on stage and play air instruments can really come in handy."

Shreddy's tremendous rookie campaign opened the eyes of the press. Alongside Shaskeel O'Neal of the Beaskee Boys, he graced the cover of the Skeeson X preview issue of SKEESPN The Magazine, which has since become Full Circle Magazine. Due to scheduling conflicts, he had to switch to the Wednesday Division, and leave Balls of Glory behind.

"I was hoping that my Rookie Roller of the Year status would get me picked up by a veteran squad, but no dice," Shreddy remembers. "Then I heard the legendary Ted Carmel was coming out of retirement. We met at Skee.E.O Eric's birthday party and decided to form a team."

With a very fitting name, the entire league was put on notice by the formation of Brew World Order. Alongside Ted Carmel and Brewman Capote, Shreddy and his 31.4 average (8 Cherries / 4 Full Circles) led BWO to a third place finish in the Wednesday Division. Yet they were in the race for The Pint up until the final week.

"We [suffered] a late skeeson meltdown. I know we were a better team than our record showed," Shreddy stated.

Throughout the skeeson, as Shreddy rolled Full Circles and Cherries, the exuberance of teammate Ted Carmel resulted in a fairly amusing token of appreciation, at least for the audience. Carmel would physically shove, punch or body slam Shreddy into the lane. After one particular Full Circle, Carmel actually roundhouse kicked Shreddy onto the lane like an evil villain in a Chuck Norris film.

It is clear that Shreddy's impact on the league expands beyond the nights he rolls. Skeep To My Lou of the Beaskee Boys, a Monday roller, has missed Shreddy this skeeson. "He is sorely missed this skeeson as he would likely have been in contention for The BBNC," said Skeep. "And although Shreddy's Joke of the Night lives on, it's just not the same with those other clowns.

"One of those "other clowns" is Shaskeel O'Neal. "Shreddy's absence this skeeson has been tough," said Shaskeel, who brought a "Shreddy Is My Homeboy" sign to the Skeeson X BROTY. Shaskeel has also been caught sobbing over Shreddy's departure this skeeson in the Ace Bar bathroom. "He brought a lot of excitement to the league. I especially miss his Jokes of the Night. S.Nash and I have told a couple ourselves. But I think only as a therapeutic way to ease the pain."

"[Shreddy's Joke of the Night] just kind of happened," explains Shreddy. "I was about 4 High Lifes in and Skee.E.O. Eric had the camera rolling so I threw out a random joke. He put it up on Brew Tube and it had 4,576,354 views in just three hours. Susan Boyle eat your heart out!" There have been a total of eight Jokes of the Night to date. "My favorite one is definitely the NFL themed one with The Beaskee Boys. That was classic."

But Shreddy isn't just about jokes and high scores. The impact of his absence is amplified by the sudden lack of Shreddy's barstool presence. Fellow Wednesday roller and skeelebrity The Claw describes, "[I] don't know Shreddy too well as [I usually roll] way earlier, but can say the loss of energy like his is always felt."

Skeep To My Lou elaborates, "[The loss of] his scoring is an obvious blow to the team, but his barstool presence, the x-factor that so often gets talked about in team sports, is undeniably missed... [it] is one of those things that championship caliber teams are made of, that 10th Ball winners exude, and the lack of that presence is hurting BWO right now, and the league as a whole.

"Skeep clarified, "not to say the league is hurting right now because the league is actually growing in popularity, enthusiasm for the game and in the number of elite rollers, but Shreddy's barstool presence might have been a tipping point for the league that may have to wait until next skeeson."

"Shreddy Mercury has one hell of a stage presence, but he knows it," explains one roller who spoke to Full Circle Magazine on the condition of anonymity, "and as a result, he's pretty full of himself. But also as a result he tends to be incredibly clutch, except for one glaring exception."

That glaring exemption was the Skeeson X BMT. It was then, in the 10th and final frame of a match against Broskeemian Rhapsody, that Shreddy etched his name into the annals of history by rolling a Right Angle. Skee.E.O. Eric was on the morning show of WSKE Radio the following day and was quite candid about Shreddy's decision:

"Before stepping up to Lane 2 in the 10th frame of his Round II BMT match, Shreddy had not rolled a single Hundo all skeeson, not a one. With that in mind, here's what happened.

Ted Carmel began the 10th frame with a 30 for BWO, J-Date answered with the biggest roll of his career, a 35, which took Shreddy by surprise. Brewman Capote posted a 26, which for a rookie roller under that kind of pressure is not half bad. Then, to the disbelief of everyone in Ace Bar, Star of David Cross rolled a 30, which kept BWO in the match and gave Shreddy a chance to do some damage. After 4 rollers completed their final frames BWO trailed Skeemelio by 10 points with two rollers left, Shreddy for BWO and Dan Smith for Skeemelio.

I'm not sure when Shreddy made the decision to roll solely for Hundos, but an irrational decision like that is usually made when you're flustered and incapable of a sober thought. Shreddy had been on fire throughout this match, he had 2 Cherries and 2 Full Circles through 9 frames, and unfortunately he ignored what had got him this far and in a moment of ultimate stupidity he thought that rolling for Hundos was the only way to overcome the 10 point deficit. Keep in mind that Shreddy won BWO's Round I match in heroic fashion, needing a 30 to tie and a 31 to win, he rolled a clutch 34 with ease.

In the back of Shreddy's mind he was thinking that he needed a 43 or a 44 at least to put pressure on Dan Smith, but in reality, a Full Circle or another Cherry would have done the job. It's The BMT baby, 26s and 27s aren't gimmes under this type of punishing anxiety. In this situation you must put all the pressure on Dan Smith, but Shreddy's approach put all the pressure in the world on himself. Roll your Full Circle, roll your Cherry, or better yet, bang out eight 40's and then make a decision to go for a Fullie, a Cherry or possibly even a 9th ball Hundo, that would have given Shreddy a 42 and forced Dan Smith to roll a 32 to tie and a 33 to win.

Worst case scenario, BWO loses, but Shreddy still has his dignity, he still has his manhood and he doesn't have a decision that will plague him for the rest of his life. This was, without a doubt, the biggest meltdown and worst mistake in BMT history, but, Shreddy is a great guy, with great morals and perfect ethics and I know in time that he will be a better roller because of this, a better man and by god, a better husband and father."

S.Nash of the Beaskee Boys agrees, but only to a point. "Shreddy made the wrong choice, there is no denying that. I think that he has come to accept that and has moved forward with his life and his career. Be that as it may, I think the backlash he faced for his decision was far too harsh. Charges that he was ruining the spirit of the game and making a mockery of the competition crossed the line. Same with the threat letters. I was recently over at Shreddy's house for Sunday brunch, Shreddy's precious little son was reading the papers and came across an editorial on the matter. It broke Shreddy's little heart to explain to his son why the bad man in the papers was still criticizing him after all these months. It was heart wrenching."

Shreddy has been enjoying spending time with his family. Both Shreddy Jr. and Mrs. Mercury appreciate that Shreddy is able to spend so much time at home. He has stayed connected to the league as much as he can, spending Monday, Tuesday and Thursday mornings scrolling through the Facebook albums of Brewskee-Ball photos from the previous nights, often giving a "thumbs up" to the more spectacular photos.

But tomorrow morning, Shreddy won't just be looking through the Wednesday Division album - he will appear in it. That's right, Shreddy Mercury is back for one night only, rolling as an alternate with Brew World Order for the first time this skeeson. As a journalist, I'm excited to see what his return does for his team. As a fan, I'm excited to see what he's going to do to that poor 40 hole.

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THREE DOWN, FIVE TO ROLL

The first three weeks of a skeeson can tell a lot about what's going to happen over the next five. We have seen improved teams, impressive rookies, some ridiculous rolling, and plenty of High Life flowing in the depths of Ace Bar. So what will the remaining five weeks of Skeeson XI bring?I'm Chip Cooper, and this is Outside the Lanes.

Fly Like a Skeegull: Can anyone stop Flock of Skeegulls? After tearing through the league in Skeeson X, they have picked it up right where they left off, averaging a mighty 1052.3. Ocean leads the way with a 40.8, and after a rough Week 1, Doctor has picked it up, rolling 7 Cherries thus far. Dr. Earl is the #8 roller on Sunday to round out The Flock. Star of David Cross (Skeemelio Estevez) is on record predicting Doctor will take home the Skeeson XI BROTY title, and that The Flock will skee-peat and win their second BREWSKEE MUG.

In Funk we Trust: I spoke to 3-time defending BROTY champion William Ocean before Skeeson XI kicked off, and he boldly predicted that C-Funk (THUNDERBALLS!!!) would win this skeeson's BROTY. C-Funk has gotten better each week (31.5, 32.3, 34.6 on his way to a 32.8 average). This consistent improvement could propel him into The BROTY with some serious momentum.

Skee-Ball, Corner Pocket: Power (Old Man & The Skee) still has his Hundo stroke (36.23 average), but teammate C-Wise has seen a bit of a power outage (29.26 average). In the pre-skeeson, Ocean made a serious Hundo prediction - that a perfect 900 frame would be rolled. He predicted that former teammate and Hundo nemesis Power would be the one to do it. Speaking of predictions, Star of David Cross had one of his own regarding Ocean: that he "will trim his beard down to a mustache, and then put some wax in it and curl it up like a railroad tycoon."

Slutty Mondays: The Rhode Island Sluts have started off hotter than melted wax on a bare chest, averaging a 957.3. The biggest surprise has been Brew Du Jour (that sounds good, I'll have that), who is averaging a saucy 33.1. Dr. Spaceman started soft but has really gotten it up lately with a 33.7 in Week 3 to bring his average to a rock solid 32.5. Skee Bass rounds it out for The Sluts with a 30.13.

You're Money, Baby: The rise and fall of B.S.O. (formerly Raskeed BREWallace) has been well documented, as it corresponded directly with Doppler Kid's sudden departure from Brewskee-Ball. But big brother Money Ball is back in Doppler's steed, averaging a 30.56. He joins Skeexon X BROTY runner-up The Street and Mr. Clean look-a-like Meal Ticket as B.S.O. stands in second place in the Monday Division with a 937 average.

The Sure Shot: The Beastie Boys once rapped, "Well you can say I'm twenty-something and should be slacking, but I'm working harder than ever and you could call it macking." Skeep To My Lou of the Beaskee Boys is twenty-something and has worked harder than ever, and it shows with a 32.26 average, including 5 Full Circles. Teammate S.Nash has elevated his game and is rocking this party eight days a week, with 4 Full Circles and a Cherry alongside his ever-so-symmetrical 31.13 average. The Beaskee Boys have also debuted a new logo, which MCA of the Beastie Boys has dubbed, "ill."

No, Not the Entire Website: Amid the quacks, 40's and Civil Wars, J-Date (the roller, not the website) has emerged as my early favorite for the 10th Ball Award. His spirit, kinship, esteem, and excellence have been apparent thus far as he rolls on Mondays and strolls to Ace Bar on Sundays and Wednesdays. Skeemelio Estevez sits in 4th place in the Monday Division with an impressive 914, barely trailing the 914.3 of the Beaskee Boys, last year's 10th Ball Award winners.

No Monkee Business: Monkee Skee, Monkey Brew is sitting atop the tree on the Wednesday Division, flinging poo at the teams below them. Murda leads the way with a 31.86, good for second place on Wednesday. Teammates Yanny Blaze and The Ambassador are in the top ten and top twenty of the division, respectively.

Jim Shorts: Jungle Jim continues to be one of Wednesday's premier rollers, leading ABREWCADABREW to third place and boasting a division-leading average of 32.16. Teammate Travis has enrolled in the C-Funk school of improvement, posting scores of 29.6, 30.1 and 32.1 over the first three weeks on his way to a 30.6 average.

Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio: Although rookies have arrived and old veterans have made comebacks, Skeeson XI is without some notable faces. After stepping away from the game before last skeeson, Icarus has now left the country, departing for France. Shreddy Mercury is now a father, and is taking this skeeson off in order to spend time with his family as well as boldly predicting that he "will finish dead last in scoring this skeeson." And most notably, Juice finally ended his Brett Favre act and actually stepped away from the lanes this skeeson, though not everyone thinks it is a permanent decision. Star of David Cross predicted before the skeeson that "Juice will be spotted in or near Ace Bar on at least half of league nights. He will return to the lanes next skeeson."

Oh, Oh, Listen to the Music: The Ace Bar Jukebox has been known for it's wide array of spectacular tunes to some, and others accuse it of not having enough variety. The Beaskee Boys and Skee 6 Mafia have each expressed the desire for albums by their respective namesakes to be featured in the jukebox. Star of David Cross, perhaps the most loyal supporter of the jukebox, predicts that this skeeson, the three most-played songs will be "First Night" and "Massive Nights" by the Hold Steady and "These Stones Will Shout" by the Raconteurs. Ocean added, "upon hearing the Raconteurs album played for the millionth time on the jukebox, an Ace Bar manager will calmly stroll over to the jukebox, bash their head through the glass casing, forcibly remove the CD and shatter it into several small pieces with the heel of their [expletive]-kickin' boots." 

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OFF-SKEESON RUMORS & MOVEMENTS

The last ball of Skeexon X has been rolled, but that doesn't keep Brewskee-Ballers from flocking to Ace Bar or drinking a High Life with a fellow roller. This off-skeeson camaraderie brings about tales of past full circles and missed cherries, but also brings about speculation for future skeesons.

I am Chip Cooper, and this is Outside the Lanes.

The biggest news this off-skeeson is out of the Skeechiro camp of the Sunday Division. Juice, once again, is claiming he is retiring and will not roll in Skeeson XI. Many rollers doubt he will actually follow through with his retirement, and with strong merit - Juice has been threatening retirement seemingly after every skeeson recently. But will this be the year that Juice actually steps away from the game he loves? Juice claims it is for real, stating that he is "going to step away from the game completely for a bit." This statement leaves the door open for an eventual return, but Juice really does seem to be leaving the game for at least one skeeson. But when Juice does make his inevitable return to Brewskee-Ball, it will only be appropriate if he comes back like Jordan, wearing #45 on the back of his shirt.

Senior Writer Steve Rosenberg of SKEESPN The Magazine, which will be published under the name Full Circle Magazine in Skeeson XI, has confirmed these reports and predicts that Juice will, in fact, retire from Brewskee-Ball. The question then remains, what will come of Deuce and C-Funk? A skee-agent acquistion by Skeechiro just two skeesons ago, C-Funk knows better than anyone that there are always premier rollers on the market looking for new teams during upcoming skeesons. There is no better example than Flock of Skeegulls, who added Doctor to their lineup and took home the Skeeson X Brewskee Mug.

There are rumors of other off-skeeson movements as well, with several in the Monday Division. The Birds and the Skees are reportedly disbanding, though my sources tell me it might only be for one skeeson, with a glorious return to the lanes of Ace Bar in Skeeson XII. According to several credible sources, Laura Heywood of The Birds and the Skees may in fact be teaming up with her brother, Johnny Haze, and rolling with his team, Brewrack Skeebama.

Another major move that could shake up the Monday Division standings involves Skeen Girl Squad, who are reportedly adding Mando to their roster and looking into new team names. Having Mando roll alongside Jo-Anna would give their team two rollers who are perennial BROTY contestants and have the ability to put up over a 30 average over the course of a skeeson. This could very well propel them up in the standings from their 9th place finish in the Monday Night Division in Skeeson X. My sources tell me they haven't officially decided on a new name, but Punskee Brewster and Chiskeeta Banana are reportedly the early favorites.

There is shocking news coming in from the Wednesday Division that is sure to turn heads. Brew World Order, who finished in 3rd place in the division in Skeeson X, are reportedly going to be without leading roller, BROTY contestant and former Rookie Roller of the Year Shreddy Mercury. Shreddy will be stepping away from the lanes this skeeson in order to spend more time with his family, as Mrs. Mercury is due to give birth to their first son this March.

Stay tuned for more of Chip Cooper and "Outside The Lanes" this off-skeeson.